Yin/Yang

Some days, I don't feel like myself. Is that normal? I know probably a lot of people say it, but honestly, quite often I feel like a completely different, reckless person. Some days I'm convinced that I'm not myself at all. But then there are good days, like two days ago, where I feel okay. I have conflicting feelings and opinions all the time in my twisted little head. I feel like I'll never mellow out, but I guess that's just being a teenager. (And it's peculiar to think I'll be entering my last year of the teenage years in two months and ten days). I suppose it comes down to this: I want to be a consistent person, with consistent thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc. Everything is all over the place, so I feel so inconsistent all the time.

You know how when someone sees something, like a gift or whatever, they're like, "Oh! So-and-so will totally like that! That's so up their alley!" I feel like I'm just not that type of person -- a person that you can determine for sure what they like or not. It's like no one can say what's really Allison's thing or Allison's signature style. It's like the best and worst quality to have. The best, because you could literally buy anything for me and there's a 99% chance I'll love the gift because you simply thought about buying me a gift; the worst, because you could be standing in several stores for hours, having absolutely no idea what to buy for me. And that's okay, of course, because I didn't ask anything from you in the first place.

Most peoples' personalities are like tight soccer balls that they throw out at you as soon as they walk in a room. I feel like the complete opposite. When I walk a room, there are just stars shooting off in a million directions, confusing everyone in the room, and no one knows which way to follow. Sometimes it makes me feel like I have a poker face, where no one can really, truly read what's going on with me. I'm so quiet, or I smile at every comment and sit calmly. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing. Maybe it's just character building, and maybe it's just being a teenager. Either way, I feel completely lost a lot of the time. It's confusing for me because I'm so used to being a down-to-earth person (I'm an Earth sign because I'm a Virgo).