Why Having a Child Could Potentially Ruin Your Life

We don't want children. By 'we,' I mean my generation, of course. Sure, I went to school with crazy high school kids who will always want to have children and will have children. But I think it's pretty clear by now what happens to people who have kids in a less-than-favorable economy. If it's not clear, I'm about to make it clear. For instance, here is an interesting article about how more couples in Japan feel less inclined to have children. This trend is growing rapidly because more people are beginning to understand the financial strains of having a child. I also want to make clear that I'm not an expert in marriage-children psychology, so keep in mind that these are opinions from a college student perspective.

Choosing to have a kid is narcissistic.

I'm not saying that kids make people unhappy. What else could make someone happier than for them to have a miniature clone of themselves? Yeah, I'm being sarcastic because the idea of have a kid is quite self-centralized. I mean, look at your life. You made mistakes and you want something that is literally part of your blood so that you can say "Look what I did!" -- or I mean, "Look what my kid did!" And OK, I don't blame you. But why not live up to what you lived your life to be? Why use a child as an excuse to feel good about yourself? The truth is that children don't always make us feel as good as we would like to, as I'm sure you know. So the point is to feel okay with your life the way it is; don't rely on a child to fix all your problems -- which brings me to my next point.

Having a kid will not fix all your problems.

(Oh wait, did I say that already?) When people are in love, they get into fights from time to time. Then the fights happen more often . . . and more often . . . and more often. And suddenly they think, "Hmm, if we have a kid, we'll focus on the kid more and on our problems less." NOT. If you're having so many problems, ignoring them and using a kid as your excuse will not just make them go *poof* and disappear. Those problems will just build and build and build until OH NO you're going through divorce. Why would you want to go through divorce just because you decided to make a little bundle of life? Maybe having a divorce will make you realize that the person you married wasn't the love of your life after all. Still, divorce is one of the worst financial disasters one could ever experience. (Trust me, I know -- my parents divorced when I was one year old. My father could only afford for us to live in a small, brown-recluse-spider-infested apartment when my brother and I were learning to walk and talk. How's that for a financial disaster?)

Raising a kid in itself is financially disastrous.

Congratulations! You just graduated college a few years ago, you just got married last year, you literally have your dream job, you're making an incredible salary, and you have the best house you could ever imagine living in with the love of your life. Clearly, having a kid or two would make this whole situation a million times better. Psych! Unless you want to throw away all the money you're earning, having a kid is going to ruin everything for you. Why? There are so many factors, and I can't even believe I'm about to explain this.

You will have to buy food, toys, diapers, cribs, accessories, and everything else that goes into taking care of a kid. And if you keep having kids, you'll probably have to buy an even bigger house. All of your salary will go into taking care of this kid and paying off your mortgage.

And what happens to spending time with your spouse? That freedom goes away, too, because you'll be using all your time trying to care for your child. What happens to going on frequent weekly or monthly vacations? Oh yeah, that goes away as well, because I highly doubt you'll want your kid screaming in the car or airplane the whole time, and then screaming some more once you actually reach your destination.

Don't worry -- it gets better from here.

Around middle school, your kid will discover the benefits of technology: computers, iPods, iPhones, Kindles, and more. And guess what: You're going to have to buy all of that stuff for them, unless you really think they're going to have a part-time job by the time they're thirteen.

It gets even better! Your kid will want to go to college. Say hello to this magical thing called "Tuition and Fees"; you might as well get familiar with it because it will be the only thing your money knows for about four years. In fact, here is an article that explains how much college tuition will cost, on average, by the year 2030. Before you know it, every bit of your salary will go to paying for your kid's stay at college. Yeah, it's great for them because they'll be getting an education. But now all your own money is gone, and you have nothing left to do but to keep paying the bills.

"But then where does my life go, Allison?" I'll tell you where it goes. It goes to your kid, and you no longer have anything to call your own -- except your kid because you will give all your earnings to him or her for the rest of your life (or at least until they're about thirty years old). Why would you want to do that? I don't think anyone wants that, unless they're crazy. "But there's nothing wrong with being selfless and taking care of one's own child, Allison." Of course! There's nothing wrong with that. I know it is a very special, selfless thing for someone to choose to do, and that's why I never want to make that choice.

My point is that we will be better off in the long run when we can still use our money at our own leisure. That sounds a lot better than dividing our paychecks into separate categories just to pay for this and that and everything else kids ask from their parents.

If you want to have a kid, then that's fine with me. But don't come complaining to me when everything you've earned from your life's work is gone, thanks to this precious child of yours.